


In the eye of the shattered

by Kyungsoobs (Kihyuncrush)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Baekhyun is a nice friend, Chanyeol deserves better, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, Junmyeon is a dad tbh, Kyungsoo is a great boyfriend, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mentioned Kim Minseok | Xiumin, Panic Attacks, Schizophrenia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2021-02-22 09:29:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22980604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kihyuncrush/pseuds/Kyungsoobs
Summary: TW//Mental Ilness, Anxiety, Panic attacksHe could smell gas even before he opened the door.
Relationships: Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Park Chanyeol, Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Kim Minseok | Xiumin
Kudos: 12





	In the eye of the shattered

It was already dark by the time Kyungsoo finally ended his shift at the market. If only had known how annoying working there was going to be, he’d never have tried to get a job there. Still ,  money was  needed , and  he didn’t  get his  degree , so here  he was  now .

He quickly took his leave. He opened the car’s door, threw his stuff on the backseat before getting in and started the engine.

  
As he was on his way home, his phone started ringing. Kyungsoo clicked his tongue, remembering he had previously abandoned the object on the backseat.   
When he arrived before a red light, he hurriedly took the phone and checked the missed call.

It was from Junmyeon. Now that’s peculiar. Sure, they both called each other regularly, but it was late and Junmyeon was supposed to be busy with whatever job he had to do. Working in a company wasn’t helping with the fact that they barely met anymore.   


Kyungsoo shrugged and decided to call back. Junmyeon immediately answered.  


_ “Hello Kyungsoo??” _ he heard the other man say on the line. Kyungsoo hummed.  


_ “What’s up?” _ he quickly turned on the phone option in his car, mentally slapping himself for not thinking about that earlier when he had to pick up, then accelerated.

  
_ “I know you just got out of work, so I thought I’d give you a call to let youknow I bought some bagels for you and Chanyeol! I put them in that box you like to call a "mailbox” in front of your apartment. _ _”_ Junmyeon said excitedly, laughing a bit when he mentioned the mailbox Kyungsoo had neatly crafted.  


_ “What about your work? Why didn’t you give them to Chanyeol? He’s home. You could’ve stayed over until I was done with my shift. _ _”_ Kyungsoo simply asked, stopping at yet another red light.   


The call went silent for a few seconds. Junmyeon inhaled and waited a bit before finally speaking again.  


_ “I didn’t have much to do, for once. I thought I’d take advantage of time and pass by. And is he? I ringed and nobody answered so I assumed you were both out for the day." _  


Kyungsoo furrowed his eyebrows. What does that mean, nobody answered? Chanyeol was clearly home when Kyungsoo had left this morning.  


_ “Junmyeon, you know he NEVER goes out.” _

* * *

  
  
_ “Let’s move out together.” _ Chanyeol casually said, his chin resting on his hand.

  
Kyungsoo choked on his drink, tried not to make it too obvious, but failed miserably. Chanyeol patted his back, laughing.

_ " Are you for real?” _ the younger asked, eyes wide-open.

The brown-haired boy shifted in his seat, clearly nervous.  


_ “Listen Soo, I-.“ _  


The shorter one cut him off by taking both of the boy’s hands in his.  


_ “Chanyeol. I’ve been wanting to move together ever since we started dating. You really thought I’d say no? ” _  


The boy with big ears was a bit flushed at the revelation, but amused.  


_ “Well, you said you wanted to focus on your studies,” _ he pouted,  _ “and you wouldn’t be able to do that if we…” _  


He trailed off.  


Now the boy looked a bit hesitant. Kyungsoo looked at him, glaring, but still soft for the giant man. How was he supposed to get mad at him?  


_ “We’ve talked about this before. Youknow I’d do everything to take care of you. I could still find a job so we can both survive out of that. ” _  


He raised his hand and gently rubbed his boyfriend’s cheek before speaking again.  


_ “Hey, things will be okay. For the both of us. ” _  


Chanyeol beamed at the younger boy, letting a quiet chuckle before nodding slowly as he let his head rest against Kyungsoo’s shoulder.

* * *

  
  
_ “Kyungsoo? You’re still there? ” _

  
Junmyeon’s voice snapped Kyungsoo out of whatever kind of trance he was currently in. He hastily pushed the accelerator, not wanting to hold the cars behind back any longer. He mumbled something before affirming he was there.  


_ “Hey, don’t panic. Maybe he’s just sleeping. ” _  


_“I’ m not-“_ the younger tried but was cut off almost immediately.  


_ “Oh please, Kyungsoo. I can practically hear your eyes shifting in distress. Are you almost there? Do you want me to go check if everything is alright? ” _  


_ “I- no. Listen, I’ll call back in a few if we need anything. Can you make sure to watch your phone for the next hour, just in case? ” _  


He tightened his grip on the wheel. Something was wrong.  


_ “Of course, Kyungsoo. Be careful on the road. I’ll call later. ” _  


Although the older man was trying not to show it, Kyungsoo could hear how tense his voice became during the call.  


_ “Later.” _ He hung up.  


He soon arrived in front of his apartment. He parked the car in a hurry, not really caring if he was at the right place anyway. He jogged until he reached his floor.  
As he got in the hallway, he noticed in the distance the bag Junmyeon had dropped earlier.  
He made his way to the door, then stopped abruptly.

He took a shaky breath as he started rubbing a hand against his forehead.  
He could smell gas even before he opened the door.  


One… Two… Three… Four…

He grabbed the doorknob and tried to enter the apartment. It was locked. He frantically knocked on the door.  


_ “Chanyeol…?” _  


He heard stuff getting knocked over, then a loud bang on the door, startling him.  


_ “You’re not allowed to come in. I’m blowing this building up, myself included. ” _  


Kyungsoo felt a cold shiver going through his whole body. _ Don’t panic. _  
He had to get inside. He had to find a way.

* * *

  
  
They were finally done with their finals. It was the appropriate occasion for Kyungsoo and Baekhyun to hang out at a nearby café.

He had told his friend he was going to drop out soon. At first, Baekhyun had protested and threatened to drop out as well, but it’s not like he had much to do other than study, compared to Kyungsoo.  


The younger was sipping on his coffee when he noticed the red-haired man in front of him staring intensely.  


_ “What?” _

The man gulped.  


_ “Kyungsoo, I don’t want you to get mad at me when I ask but-“ _  


_ “You have questions regarding my relationship with Chanyeol. Go ahead; I’m in a good mood. _ _”_ The shorter man replied nonchalantly.  


Baekhyun grimaced at the mere mention of a “good mood” his friend was currently in, but quickly opened his mouth again.

_ “So!! I know you both have some… issues with anxiety and- Let me finish, Soo. _ _”_ He raised a finger at Kyungsoo who was about to intervene.  


The black haired man sighed before slowly retreating in his own seat.  


_ “I’m just… wondering how you manage. You also suffer from those panic attacks and Chanyeol… youknow, how do you… _ _”_ Baekhyun said softly, trailing off as he was analyzing his friend’s facial expression.  


Kyungsoo seemed to think of an answer for a few seconds before placing his cup on the table.  


_ “First of all, I don’t have as many anymore, for some reason.” _ He ignored his best friend who was clearly about to deny it.  


_ “When Chanyeol… is overwhelmed by stuff, well I used to tell him everything was gonna be okay. But it only seemed to add even more pressure on his shoulder, it only fueled his panic. One day, during one of his “crisis”, I was so tired I kind of acted like everything was cool even though he was a bit restless… ” _  


More like he was about to slice his throat open with a kitchen knife, but Baekhyun didn’t need to know that.  


_ “… I just led him to the living room, telling him we had to watch some show before he does anything stupid. Surprisingly, it worked. He actually listened and calmed down. I didn’t think it would do much at first, but it seems like distracting him to prevent him from doing dangerous stuff works. ” _  


His friend looked up to him with both admiration and sympathy in his eyes.  


_ “I wish we knew before. Maybe you both could’ve kept on studying then. ” _  


_ “It’s in the past. Now we know. _ _”_ Kyungsoo took his cup again, blowing on the coffee even though it was obviously colder now.  


_ “My point is, I wish we’d known sooner! Things would’ve been so much easier!! _ _”_ Baekhyun said, dramatically throwing his hands in the air, earning a laugh from Kyungsoo in the process.   


The red-haired student knew how to make a tense atmosphere lively again. Kyungsoo was thankful. He was glad he had Baekhyun by  his side; the boy had this ability to make things look like it’s not a big deal. Except for finals, they were both as hopeless on that.  


_ “Yeah, like you’d stay calm and composed to take care of that? Allow me to laugh. ” _  


Baekhyun faked a shocked expression, putting his hand on his chest, scandalized by his friend’s comment.  


_ “Give me more credit! I can, in fact stay pretty much calm and have control over the situation when I want to! ” _  


Kyungsoo could only laugh softly at Baekhyun’s antics.

* * *

  
  
_ Stay calm. Don’t panic. Breathe. _  
Kyungsoo cleared his throat.

  
_ “Hey baby… You got to let me in. I have bagels and am tired. I’d like to rest. Open the door? ” _

  
No answer. He tried again.  


_ “Chanyeol? I terribly want to rant about my day while laying on the couch with you! Also, I need to prepare dinner. Who’s going to do it otherwise? ” _  


Kyungsoo waited. He could feel the sweat forming on his forehead. A few minutes later, he heard a shuffle behind the door before it got unlocked.  


Chanyeol fully opened the door, hands covered in bruises and cuts. His pants were torn and his legs were covered with purple spots as well.  


The apartment was an absolute mess. The scent of gas was still hitting Kyungsoo’s nose, being almost overwhelming. He wondered if the people next door had called the police after hearing things break.  


He took a quick look at his surroundings, trying to stay as composed as possible in his current state. Chanyeol moved aside so that he could enter the room.  


Kyungsoo closed the door behind him,  set the  bag of bagels somewhere on the  floor that wasn’t covered in  clothing and other random objects, then turned to his  boyfriend . He placed both his hands on Chanyeol’s cheeks and smiled at him.  


What a mess. A utter, terrifying mess. He was so close to break down but he couldn’t. Not when Chanyeol was close to kill everyone living at this floor.   


_ “I’m home.” _  


The brown-haired boy seemed to finally acknowledge Kyungsoo’s presence. His face suddenly light up as he beamed at him. He then dropped a lighter he was apparently holding, causing it to crash on the floor tiles.  


Kyungsoo winced at the noise, but thanked God he didn’t start burning stuff with that lighter. He focused on his boyfriend again. He placed a small peck on his lips and resumed where he had left off the conversation.  


_ “How about you get changed and help me out with the dishes while I tidy up a bit? Junmyeon called and he is coming over for dinner. “ _  


Chanyeol let his chin rest on top of Kyungsoo’s head, considering it.  


_ “Okay… Is Minseok coming too? ” _  


_ “Maybe? I’ll ask Junmyeon. Now go, and put some pants on! _ _”_ the shorter tried joking, watching as the taller yelped and went to their bedroom.  


He waited until he could hear the door closing before hurrying to the kitchen and turning the gas off. Dear Mother of God. He was so glad nothing blew up. He took his  phone out of his pocked, texted  Junmyeon that _everything_ _ is alright even though the  apartment _ _could’ve blown up_ and to _come over for_ _ dinner and  bring Minseok _ .   


He ignored Junmyeon’s immediate text back, consisting of a full caps _“WHAT NOW??????????_ _”_ and made a mental note that they’d be there at 8:30.  


The black-haired man sighed, then proceeded to clear the way and clean things as much as he could.   
  


  
When he was finally done cleaning so much he couldn’t feel his arms, he distinguished the sound of the water running in the kitchen. Chanyeol must’ve started washing the dishes.

He joined him, completely drained of any energy that was left in his body as he plopped down on a chair.  


He noticed the taller man had taken care of a part of dinner AND he looked decent.   


Kyungsoo felt the relief instantly washing through his body but felt how Chanyeol tensed up when he saw Kyungsoo.  


His face must’ve betrayed how “composed” he was supposed to be, because soon enough Chanyeol timidly tugged at his sleeve.  


_ “I’m sorry.” _ he said, looking away.  


Kyungsoo knew the boy couldn’t help himself. He knew what he had signed for when they got in a relationship and would never have it any other way.  
He held him close, taking in his scent. Maybe they should get another shampoo, that one wasn’t so nice. He let his lips rest on his boyfriend’s nape.  


_ “I swear, I’m going to have a heart attack one of these days.” _  


Chanyeol grimaced, hugging the shorter man and rubbing his back with one hand.  


_ “I’m sorry.” _  


_ “You don’t have to be. I told you I was prepared to take care of it. You can’t help it. ” _  


The lanky boy chuckled softly. _ “I wish I could.” _  


Kyungsoo raised his head and, this time, kissed the brown-haired man’s horehead.   


_ “I love you so, so much. You know that, right? ” _  


Chanyeol smiled. _“I know._ _ I love you too, Soo. ” _  


The shorter man laughed at his boyfriend’s fluffiness.  


Then, Chanyeol started speaking once more.  


_ “At least, I can promise you won’t have to panic because of me anymore today.” _ He declared triumphantly, then rubbed his face in the crook of Kyungsoo’s neck.

What a cutie. He deserved so much better than living like this. Kyungsoo wasn’t going toletgo of him, no matter how many panic attacks, how many injuries, how many breakdown they’d have to go through.  


_ “Wow, now I’m relieved!” _ the black-haired boy jokingly said, avoiding Chanyeol’s fist that was threatening to collide with his shoulder.  


They stayed in each other’s arm for a while, breathing in each other’s presence just like they had done so many times before.  


_ “Okay, we should really go back to cooking before Junmyeon and Minseok arrive. You already did a lot, do you want to rest now? ” _  


_ “No, I think I’d feel better helping you with dinner.” _ The taller boy said, scrunching his face.  


Kyungsoo laughed at his boyfriend’s cuteness. He could never stop loving such a cute and compassionate man.

He was happy that way.

Seeing how they’d managed until now, he knew they will be okay.

Both of them.

**Author's Note:**

> OKAY, another prompt done!
> 
> This was supposed to be a Kyungsoo-centric fic, but I realized I'd be better to see things from Chanyeol's pov as well??  
> Schizophrenia is a psychiatric illness that is still complicated to fully understand.  
> Hopefully I can write another chapter with Chanyeol's experience with Schizophrenia and try to show you guys how it's like. (Disclaimer: I don't have Schizophrenia -at least it hasn't/i haven't went to the hospital and gotten it/ diagnosed so everything I write is based on research! Please tell me if anything I said is wrong, I will gladly take any criticism and learn more about it!)  
> [I'm extremely sorry about any grammar error as well, as English isn't my first language!]
> 
> This wasn't as heavy as planned, but the next (and probably last) chapter will be heavy on angst, and I'd advice to be careful, especially if you feel easily triggered by mental illness and so on.  
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!


End file.
